Ben Miller: ‘If there’s a secret to marriage, I don’t know it’

Ben Miller, 60, is an English comedian, actor and author. He rose to fame as half of double act [Alexander] Armstrong and Miller, on their sketch show from 1998-2001. He studied physics at Cambridge, and joined The Cambridge Footlights whilst studying for a PhD. He’s since gone on to star in Death in Paradise, Australian/BBC comedy drama Austin and opposite Rowan Atkinson in the Johnny English films, as well as authoring 13 children’s books. He’s married to Jessica Parker, with whom he has two children, Harrison, 14, and Lana, 11. He has a son, Jackson, 19, from a previous marriage. Here, he remembers the moments that shaped him, from people refusing to take him seriously as an actor, to being diagnosed with OCD, keeping his mental health intact and getting mistaken for Rob Brydon. One of my earliest memories is getting a 5p coin stuck in my throat. My dad did that brilliant dad thing of turning me upside down, beating me on the back, until I coughed it up. Shorts It’s important to enjoy being a kid. Both my parents were English teachers, so I was surrounded by books, and encouraged to read above my level such as Charles Dickens and Thomas Hardy. But they weren’t pushy. My wife and I have adopted the same approach with our kids – to study for enthusiasm and interest, and encourage them through praise. The characters in my first three children’s books were named after my own kids. Lana’s quite keen on being a character, but Jackson and Harrison have never shown any interest. If there’s a magic secret to marriage, I don’t know it. I’ve been married twice – first to Jackson’s mother, now to Jess. We met through work; I’d co-written a film, she worked for the film studio, so she was kind of my boss. She still is. The key is not taking anything for granted. You need to be yourself as much as you can be. It’s also about communication. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is be honest about how I’m feeling. If you met me, you probably wouldn’t know I suffer from anxiety. I’m not an introvert. I was diagnosed with OCD in 1998. I don’t think it removed the anxiety, so to help with that, I rely on meditation, and meditate twice a day. I obsessively count objects, like the number of windows in a tower block. I’ve got a mathematical mind, as opposed to being a germophobe who might obsessively tidy. I also tessellate shapes in my head – so I’ll take objects and repeat them so they fit seamlessly together, like tiles on a floor. People find me the funniest when I’m trying my hardest to be serious. It was really exciting to study physics at Cambridge, but it was so full-on, I didn’t really have time for anything else. It was only when I was doing my PhD that I auditioned for a play, because I’d always been interested in drama and comedy. I got the part of Cassio in Othello, which is a bit of a boring part, but every time I went on stage, the audience burst out laughing. By the second or third performance, I thought: “I should lean into this.” The more seriously I played it, the more people would laugh. And that’s kind of been what I’ve done ever since. The first time Alexander [Armstrong] and I went on stage together was magical. And it’s been magical ever since. It’s so special that it’s beyond belief. We had our heart set on doing something that seemed so difficult. The sketch show format had fallen completely out of fashion. Harry Hill, who was the darling of the stand-up scene at the time, said: “You and Alexander are like two old men in one of those old shops in Burlington Arcade, making things nobody wants anymore.” What turned the tide was The Fast Show, which became this extraordinary phenomenon, and people started deciding maybe they quite liked sketches again. Rowan Atkinson will always be my comedy hero. I was very nervous the first time I went to meet him and read for the part of Bough in Johnny English. But when I ended up doing a screen test with him, on set and in costume, it all clicked. I’d done quite a few films before, but Johnny English was a quantum leap, as they say. I try to eat 30 different vegetables a week. Like many middle-aged men, if you ask me about my gut health, I could speak for hours about kimchi and fermented yoghurt. I’m really interested in health, so I think about what I eat. I have therapy once a week and I meditate every day. I really want to live a full family life and achieve at the highest level I can in my work. You’ve got to be in pretty good form to do that. Mental health is really important. I also like to read books about spirituality – I’m a big believer in spirituality and trying to connect with something bigger than yourself. I’m still fascinated by science, but the laws of physics just tell you how the universe evolves. It doesn’t tell you how it came to be there in the first place. People often mistake me for Rob Brydon. I bumped into him at a members’ club in Oxfordshire, and we were both wearing exactly the same clothes – light brown chinos, brown suede shoes, a white T-shirt with a denim jacket over the top. We kissed on an episode of QI once, actually. Ben’s debut novel, A Very Dangerous Pursuit, is out now