Being ‘unbothered’ may be the life hack of all life hacks. Here are 7 keys to getting there.

When we think about life hacks, we usually think of tips and tricks to do things more efficiently, be more productive, or save time and money. But what if the greatest life hack isn’t about what you do, but how you feel? On TikTok, a woman named Jean shared a list of things that seem to bother other people but don’t bother her, and people are pointing to her “unbothered queen” energy as the ultimate life hack. Watch: An impressive ‘unbothered’ laundry list of Right out of the gate, Jean throws down the gauntlet, saying she isn’t bothered that one of her own wedding guests didn’t invite her to their wedding. “Context is everything,” she said. “I’m sure there’s all sorts of differences between my wedding and yours, even if the difference is just that my perception of our friendship and closeness is different than yours. That’s still…it’s still all love. No problem at all.” She then goes on to list a bunch of other things that bother people that she remains unbothered by, including: people cutting in front of her in traffic or merging badly introducing two friends and having them start hanging out without her inviting a friend to hang out, and they ask to bring another friend with them asking to stay with her when you visit her city, even if you’re doing something that doesn’t involve her (even if it’s a wedding of a mutual friend and she’s not invited) children acting like children in public server mistakes, or anyone doing their job when something goes wrong “I just feel like people are bothered by other humans existing a lot more than they need to be,” she said. “And it’s just a lot of energy to be bothered.” Unbothered energy may come naturally, but it can also be learned Jean admits it’s natural for her not to be bothered by the things she listed. In another video, she describes some things that do bother her, so it’s not like nothing ever irks her. The point isn’t to never be bothered by anything; it’s to avoid taking things personally when they aren’t, and not to let yourself get bothered by normal, everyday things. But how do you do that if it doesn’t come naturally? There’s a lot we can learn from the language Jean uses to explain why things don’t bother her, such as: “Context is everything.” “Even if…” “Obviously, you need to get over… Sometimes I need to get over…” “That’s so exciting! That’s so cool!” “The person is not really in control…” “I know it’s not personal.” “Give everybody grace.” Each phrase offers a glimpse into the thought process behind unbothered energy. Let’s unpack them. 7 keys to being less bothered Acknowledge—or even assume—you might be missing context Sometimes we make rigid relationship rules that cause unnecessary pain. “If I invited a friend to my wedding, they should invite me to theirs” is an example. What if a friend wants a smaller wedding and has a huge family? Not inviting you isn’t a diss; it’s just a matter of numbers. Context matters. 2. Accept the explanations Jean offers a lot of “even if” additions to her examples. That phrase is powerful. Think through all the possible reasons someone might do what they’re doing and preemptively accept them. “Even if…” whatever; the reason is what it is. Unless it’s genuinely harmful, let it be. 3. Put yourself in other people’s shoes (and give them the benefit of the doubt) We’ve all had to merge onto the freeway and not always timed it perfectly. It happens. Empathy goes a long way toward letting things roll off your back. 4. Celebrate people more Friendship is good. Bonds are good. Children’s joy is good. Humanity is good. Try saying, “That’s so cool/exciting/awesome!” by default and see how that changes your perception of situations. 5. Recognize when something is out of someone’s control The server didn’t cook your food. The guy behind the cash register isn’t responsible for your favorite coffee being out of stock. The person on the customer service hotline is just trying to do their job. 6. Get really clear on what’s actually personal Not taking things personally means knowing what’s actually personal and what isn’t. (Hint: Very few things are actually personal. Most things people do have nothing to do with you specifically.) 7. Give grace. Letting go doesn’t require picking something up in the first place. Grace can be a proactive, universal choice. The beauty is that you don’t have to question whether someone deserves it. Giving grace gives you peace either way. As Jean said, being bothered takes a lot of energy. Learning to stay unbothered frees up your energy for more productive things, making it a truly life-changing life hack. You can follow Jean on TikTok.