At 53 and post-menopausal, testosterone is finally restoring my libido

There are a myriad of reasons why my libido went for a long walk and never returned. Two kids in my forties, IVF (the least sexy thing), perimenopause, then menopause, weight gain, work stress, the domestic load, having too many cats with too many ailments – a veritable smorgasbord of reasons not to feel “up for it”. I started taking HRT in my late forties after struggling with some particularly gnarly perimenopause symptoms (insomnia, anxiety, and heart palpitations). It helped a little, but I found that when I hit 50, I was anxious and overthinking. I’d also forgotten what it felt like to have a libido. I would watch romantic Netflix shows and marvel at characters who had rampant sex. I spoke to friends of a similar age, and they felt their libidos had disappeared, too. I only know of two couples who have a “healthy sex life”. (A quick Google search reveals “once a month” is about right for people in their fifties apparently, but it’s obviously more about what feels right for you.) Anyway, I thought it was a good idea to look into my HRT again and went to see a hormone doctor privately for a consultation. As part of this consultation and after a blood test, I was prescribed testosterone – along with a different mix of HRT, though this prescription was issued on the NHS so didn’t prove to be super expensive – I pay for the annual HRT subscription which works out £19 annually. Women can get testosterone on the NHS, but it requires specialist initiation, usually via a menopause clinic. I am paying £60 for mine and I think it’ll last at least three to four months. Shorts Why might we need it? As we grow older, women’s ovaries produce less testosterone. These levels reduce further after menopause. One symptom of not having enough is that your libido dwindles. Other side effects can include losing cognitive function, depression and tiredness. Dr Ginny Ponsford from The Women’s Hormone Clinic, the doctor I saw for my consultation, says: “Libido is complex, and there is much more to it than our hormones. Relationship difficulties, life circumstances, and other medical conditions can all have an impact. It is also important to distinguish libido from sexual arousal, which can present its own challenges for women. These factors should all be properly explored before considering testosterone replacement. It is certainly not the ‘magic bullet’ we might hope it to be.” Some naive folks may think that having zero libido means you can be more productive, or equally that it’s not that serious. But I certainly didn’t feel great about it. I began getting Fomo of my youth (a common experience when you get older, as you tend to romanticise the past and forget how awkward and crap a lot of your previous sexual experiences were), and it impacted my relationship, too. I started with a pea-sized amount of testosterone gel, which came in little silver sachets. “You’ll turn into a toxic man – watch out!” a friend joked when I told her I’d started rubbing this gel into my inner thigh each morning. I imagined biceps. I imagined saying inappropriate things all the time. Morphing into a horny old toad. Friends couldn’t keep a straight face when I updated them on my progress. They said I’d become a crazed sex addict. This is insulting to men, of course, the idea you will become out of control sexually if you take testosterone. At the same time, I was on weight-loss jab Mounjaro. Arguably these things worked together, the weight loss making me feel more like the “old me”, the one I had Fomo about. Of course, the placebo effect could have come into play, too, but as the weeks passed, I definitely started to feel… friskier. There were small signs I was interested in that world again. I noticed attractive men in the shops and in pubs. I started to feel like I was in the right frame of mind to have sex. Even this small nudge in the right direction felt big for me. ‘It made me realise that an older woman claiming her right to feel sexy is a radical one’ A friend of mine experienced more dramatic results, and actually stopped taking it after feeling like her libido took on a life of its own. “I went to a social at work, and tried to get off with one of my line managers,” she said. “It was completely out of character.” I questioned whether it could’ve just been too much booze, but she was adamant that it was the testosterone. I wouldn’t have described my state as even horny, but it’s true that my playlists were changing. Coming home from a swim, I realised I’d listened to Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m on Fire” 12 times in a row. I had bought new bras; matching knickers. I’d spontaneously dance in the kitchen (in a way my daughter claimed was “so cringe”). I shaved my legs. My partner said he’d noticed I was more tactile, too. I still haven’t initiated sex – yet – but I can actually imagine it happening now (the problem being that the kids were always present and there was never an ideal time). Female desire is complicated, though, so it’s important to consider other things that could be responsible for lack of libido. The British Menopause Society recently stated: “[Testosterone] should only be considered in women who complain of low sexual desire after a biopsychosocial approach has excluded other causes such as relationship, psychological and medication related HSDD, eg SSRIs/SNRIs.” Ginny also identified another challenge, in terms of it not being more widely available. “Testosterone replacement for women is not currently licensed on the NHS, and there is not yet a women-specific testosterone product available through the NHS. This can create challenges around appropriate dosing and concerns about potential side effects,” she says. “Side effects can include spotty or oily skin, hair loss where we don’t want hair loss and hair growth where we don’t want hair growth! Side effects are unusual if women’s levels are kept within the female physiological range, but this means regular monitoring with blood tests.” So at the moment I have to dose the pea-sized amount from a sachet and I worry some days that I am perhaps applying too much (and therefore might be more likely to get side effects). I haven’t had any side effects, though. When I talked to a male friend a few days ago, he kept lapsing back into making a mockery of the whole thing, like I was starring in my own hilarious Carry On film. “You’ll be rampantly jumping on every man you meet,” he said. It made me realise that an older woman claiming her right to feel sexy is a radical one. The expectation being that we settle into our armchairs and do crossword puzzles while listening to The Archers. Many men say they are uncomfortable looking at Madonna who still seems to be in her sexual prime. Perhaps much of that is down to ageism too? I haven’t become more predatory. I don’t fancy every man I meet. I still feel stressed and overwhelmed – I’m just a tad more lusty than I was before.