Ashley James on rejecting marriage to Tommy, dealing with cruel mum-shamers & why she’ll never fear being cancelled

WITH her 30GG boobs and long red hair, Ashley James is used to being judged more for how she looks than what she thinks. There’s no doubt she is stunningly beautiful – even more so in the flesh – but those preconceptions are something she’s had to deal with her whole life. This Morning’s Ashley James reveals you will never see her walking down the aisle as she doesn’t want to get married Credit: Mark Hayman Ashley with partner Tommy, and kids Alfie and Ada Credit: Alan Chapman/Dave Benett/WireIma She reveals in her Sunday Times bestselling book Bimbo, that she was encouraged to hide her body to not be “a distraction” to boys, or even the teachers, at her private boarding school. “For me, body image was complicated from a really young age,” she says. “I developed breasts earlier than a lot of my friends and, almost overnight, my body felt like something others had an opinion on. “I was sexualised before I really understood what that meant. Looking back, I think I internalised the idea that taking up less space would somehow make me safer, more acceptable and less visible.” She admits as a female commentator on programmes including ITV’s This Morning, people often make assumptions about her. “It’s so easy to throw labels at women,” she says. “I can’t imagine Nick Ferrari or Piers Morgan ever have their intelligence questioned. People will strongly disagree with the things they say, but they don’t question their right to have those opinions, especially in a professional setting. “But with me, if they don’t agree, they say: ‘What is she doing here? She’s a bimbo.’ “I used to find it frustrating, but now I don’t let anyone’s assumptions about the way I look make me question my right to have those opinions.” Becoming a mother to son Alfie, five, and three-year-old daughter Ada with partner, City worker Tommy Andrews, 36, has only made her more resolute. “We’re called ‘bossy’, ‘tart’, ‘slut’, ‘prude’ and ‘frigid’. We teach girls and women to shrink themselves,” she explains. “I don’t want my daughter to ever be questioned because of the way she looks or have to prove herself just because she’s a woman. “Ada looks at herself in the mirror with amazement and wonder. She loves her body and her face, and she’s so confident. “The labels and expectations we place on girls are what make us shrink, so by the time we’re in our late teens, we don’t feel good enough. It makes us shape ourselves to be pleasing and likeable. “But, really, we are spending the rest of our lives trying to get back to that three year old’s perfect version of ourselves that we had originally.” The 39 year old – who rose to fame on Made in Chelsea, before leaving in 2013 to become a DJ and broadcaster – refuses to shy away from difficult conversations. She revealed in her book she was raped aged 21 by a friend while studying at Nottingham University. It happened after a night at a club with her friends when she was unconscious, and she describes it as “one of the very worst moments of my life”. Originally reluctant to share the horrific, life-changing experience, Ashley was inspired by the bravery of French rape survivor turned feminist icon, Gisèle Pelicot. “So many people say: ‘You can’t go out wearing that,’ but bad, violent men don’t care what you’re wearing,” Ashley says. Ashley with co-star Ollie Locke on Made In Chelsea in 2013 Credit: E4/PLANET PHOTOS Ashley also reveals she’s sick of being called a bimbo because of her looks Credit: Mark Hayman “It’s putting the onus on the girl to keep herself safe, but actually it should be on tackling violence. Male violence is a huge problem. They don’t care what someone’s wearing, they care about finding targets. “From my own experience of sexual assault, I did feel like it was my fault, because I didn’t dress the right way, and I did drink alcohol. “But because you are in a club drinking, that doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of being safe – we should be allowed to enjoy all the freedoms that boys and men have without having to think that it’s on us to keep ourselves safe. “We have to change that victim-blaming mentality, because no one deserves to feel like it’s their fault. It’s not.” The decision to include the rape in her book was a hard one, she says. “It’s still very upsetting, and not something I feel that comfortable talking about. But the book is about shame, and I wanted to create discussion and change the way in which we look at things in society. “I thought how I would feel if it was my friend or my children – I would never want them to feel it was their shame to carry because they did nothing wrong. Gisèle Pelicot said it better: ‘Shame has to change sides,’ and that inspired me.” What surprised Ashley most was other celebrities’ reactions to her story. “I was shocked at how many women in the public eye messaged me to say: ‘This has also happened to me.’ We all feel like it’s this rare thing, or it’s monsters down alleyways. It stops society from actually addressing the root cause,” she says. The star debating with Piers Morgan on This Morning Credit: Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock While Ashley has a figure most women would envy, she reveals she struggled with disordered eating and exercise during her 20s Credit: Mark Hayman “Hopefully, things are changing for the better. Many people, especially men, don’t realise how big the problem is and how pretty much every woman has a story.” While Ashley has a figure most women would envy, she struggled with disordered eating and exercise during her 20s. “I spent years believing my body was a project that constantly needed improving,” she explains. “I thought if I could just lose a little more weight, eat a little less, exercise a little harder and become the smallest version of myself, confidence would finally arrive. The irony is that I got to the most shrunken version of myself only to discover confidence wasn’t there waiting for me. “Women don’t need another diet, treatment or impossible beauty standard. Confidence doesn’t come from shrinking ourselves, it comes from expanding into who we already are.” Ashley, who has been commentating on news, politics and daily issues on This Morning since late 2023, worries about how women’s looks are still so open for debate. “Every week there’s a woman whose appearance is being analysed, praised, criticised or speculated on by millions of people. “Whether she’s supposedly too big, too thin, ageing well, ageing badly, pregnant or not pregnant, she’s treated as if her body belongs to everyone else. “Even when those conversations come from a place of concern, they reinforce the idea that a woman’s body is public property. Women are taught that our bodies exist to be watched, evaluated and discussed.” But it was having children that really radicalised her opinions. “Suddenly, you have a baby and it all changes. I remember being pregnant and thinking: ‘Well, my partner and I are equal.’ But no matter how much he wanted to be equal, he had to go back to work after two weeks. “Even though I didn’t have maternity leave, I was doing all of it. And society praises him for showing up while they judge me for doing everything. The Sun’s Kelly Allen posing with Ashley What was the last... TV show you watched? The Handmaid’s Tale – I put it off for years because it feels too close to reality. Thing you bought? Some glitter stickers for Ada. Person you texted? Tommy to tell him how excited Alfie was about his first day of performing arts camp. Time you laughed? At the weekend. I went to a festival with my whole family, including my mum and dad and five kids under five. There were some tears as well! Time you cried? When I heard about Ann Widdecombe, as we were on CBB together. Podcast you listened to? The Confidence Hour. “Before I had children, I thought mums were so negative, but they aren’t. As a new mum, I struggled with the reality. It felt like I was sucked into a matrix and spat out the other side where everything looks the same, but also totally different. “It was internalised misogyny that I’d picked up. Mums are struggling in a system that doesn’t really support them. You’re trying to juggle school with work and they don’t fit, so you are constantly failing.” Ashley has been on the receiving end of other mums’ judgement, too. When she went on a solo trip to Mexico in April to celebrate her birthday, leaving her two children with their dad, she was hit with endless criticism and deemed “selfish”. “I find it baffling that men get to go to football matches and golf trips – why are they allowed breaks?” she says. “And there is often that stereotypical saying about how ‘he works so hard’, but women are also working hard. “When I was child-free by choice and said I didn’t want children, I was called selfish. Now that I have children but I want time to myself, I’m still called selfish. You can’t win as a woman.” In fact, taking time away allows her to reset, she says. “It makes me a better parent, friend and colleague. I don’t know why we expect women to disappear into motherhood. “Why can’t you spend time by yourself or with friends? I don’t think we should ever apologise for that and I find it bizarre that, in 2026, women are still made to feel ashamed of that.” The pressure to “make time” for her partner also irks Ashley. “You pay so much just for nursery and wraparound care, then you have to spend even more on babysitters [to go out together]. It’s a huge financial burden, and you’re knackered. “Tommy and I enjoy doing stuff with the kids, but we’ve just accepted it’s not really our season. It doesn’t mean that we can’t do nice things – we love hanging out with our friends, so we take turns. Tommy will go out with his mates, then I’ll go out with mine, and that suits us fine.” One thing she and Tommy definitely won’t be doing is getting married – and it’s not because he hasn’t asked her. “I’m not against marriage for everyone,” Ashley says. “My sister is a stay-at-home mum who gave up her career, and therefore her earning potential, to be with her partner. In those cases, marriage is absolutely the security net that you need, because they could leave at any point. “But for me personally, I don’t want to. You will never see me in a white dress. “I think about the oppression women faced in the past. Our old house was run by nuns for unmarried pregnant women who had their babies taken away. “I felt a real sense of satisfaction to know that I lived there, unmarried with my children, in a house that I contributed to paying for. It felt like poetic justice for the women who didn’t have the freedoms we do. “It’s not that I don’t love my partner – I do. But, for me, kids are more permanent than marriage. I choose Tommy every day, and if he ever chose not to choose me, I wouldn’t want him to feel stuck with me because we only get one life.” With such strong opinions, does Ashley ever worry about being cancelled? “I’m not afraid of cancel culture because I don’t think I’m a bad person,” she says. “As I’ve got older, I’ve learned to be less of a people pleaser. I’ll say things that are considered unpopular, but I’ll never speak badly about the way someone looks. “I’m mindful of not slamming people for the sake of it. We forget we’re all just learning and living life for the first time. We are all just trying our best.” Bimbo by Ashley James (£22, Century) is out now.