Alright, I’ve Seen Enough—Let’s Stop Dating Male Podcasters

Seeing a man with a mic on my social media is a jump scare. First, because a man with a podcast is a major ick in and of itself. Secondly, a majority of the time, what’s coming out of their mouths is gross, misogynistic, factually incorrect—or all three. And if it’s not what’s coming out of their mouths on the mic, it’s what they’re doing when they’re not “on air.” The latest news cycle only confirms this.Now, I am proud to say that before this week, I knew virtually nothing about Ethan Klein aside from the fact that he was sort of a public figure and I didn’t like him. From the very few clips of the Frenemies podcast I saw (and very quickly scrolled away from) with Klein and Trisha Paytas, all I gathered was that Klein is sort of a dick. Now that I know he’s allegedly been cheating on his wife for 6 months...I know that my initial assessment was too tame.Klein is one of many male podcasters who are quite simply put: bad dudes. Aside from some of the obvious offenders like Andrew Tate, Myron Gaines, and Joe Rogan—who all spew toxic, brainless misogynistic trash on their podcasts—even the “positive” faces of male podcasting (Jay Shetty and Andrew Huberman) have faced revelations that complicate their squeaky-clean personas.I think we need to stop treating the male podcaster archetype as inherently harmless—or, worse, as evidence that a man is particularly emotionally intelligent. With very few exceptions, these men suck—and it’s time to stop dating them.“A podcast microphone attracts a very distinct psychological profile,” sex and relationship expert Gemma Nice tells Cosmopolitan. “Men who confuse monologue with communication, and external audience validation with genuine self-worth.”This isn't to say every man with a microphone is secretly a pathological liar, misogynist, or cheater (or all three like Klein, sorry). Obviously, there are plenty of perfectly normal men who happen to record themselves talking for a living. Well, I haven’t seen them, but I’m sure they’re out there. Because what does it actually mean when a man decides he needs an audience for his opinions?“Hosting a podcast gives an individual an uninterrupted platform where they talk for hours, control the narrative, and are rewarded with applause, downloads, and social media validation without anyone answering back in real time,” Nice says.But, she explains that healthy romantic relationships require the exact opposite skill set. A healthy relationship consists of active listening, emotional humility, and sitting comfortably in silence. When these men step away from the studio and into their private relationships, they often don't know how to relate to a partner without trying to win the conversation or lecture them.“When a partner pushes back or expresses hurt, a man addicted to the microphone immediately becomes defensive because his ego cannot handle being challenged without an audience on his side,” Nice says.When a man becomes a podcaster, it’s typically because he has discovered that there is an enormous market for men telling other men how to live—and that market is not exactly known for producing well-adjusted feminists.Research into the manosphere has found that podcasts can serve as a particularly effective vehicle for spreading misogynistic ideas because they package them inside more palatable formats like self-improvement, financial advice, mental-health discussions and conversations about masculinity. One analysis of popular “manfluencer” podcasts found that hypermasculine and male-supremacist ideas were frequently disguised as advice about self-reliance, success, and personal empowerment.And the guy doesn't necessarily have to come out and say women are inferior. He can just spend three hours explaining why modern women are “too demanding,” why men “aren't allowed to be men anymore,” why women should be more feminine, why dating apps are ruining society, why men need to “reclaim” their masculinity, and why the problem with your relationship is probably that a woman hasn’t learned how to communicate with a man properly. He can also spend multiple episodes making gross comments about their cohost’s fertility—like Klein did to Paytas.The men whose entire public persona is built around being obnoxious, inflammatory, condescending, cruel, misogynistic, chronically online, or just generally kind of a dick is not going to make a good partner. Let’s stop dating and marrying men whose favorite hobby is publicly humiliating other people—doing so only asks you to convince yourself that, with you, he'll suddenly become tender.Now, I’m not blaming Klein’s wife, Hila at all. But as potential dating prospects, we can learn from this situation. Some people out there see a man behaving terribly in public and immediately start imagining the private version of him they could unlock. They tell themselves, “He's just playing it up for the podcast,” “he's actually really sweet,” “he’d treat me differently,” or “he has a soft side.”We need to realize that the public persona is not a performance but an exaggerated version of who he actually is.“In a genuine partnership, moving forward and staying healthy requires being open, honest, raw and real with each other and having a genuine accountability without being the victim,” Nice explains. “But public podcasters often build brands around being infallible authorities.”So when they’re held accountable in real life, they don’t know how to process it. Nice explains that they instead become passive aggressive, dismiss hard conversations, or even use their platform to publicly air out their grievances.There are, of course, a few exceptions. Hearon (mentioned earlier) and podcast duo Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez come to mind. What makes these men with mics not only tolerable but actually enjoyable is that they don't seem particularly interested in convincing you that they have unlocked the secret to being a man. Hearon gives pop-culture commentary similar to Klein, but he isn't constantly positioning himself as the final authority on human behavior. Santagato and Alvarez are, for the most part, just goofy. They aren't selling you a masculinity framework.This is the only reason a man should have a podcast, in my mind. I don't need you to teach me how to become a “better woman” or explain “female nature.” I don't need a six-part series on why modern dating is broken. I don't need you to tell 400,000 strangers about your relationship philosophy without any sort of credentials—or when you’re cheating on your wife. I just need you to be normal! Put the microphone down. Go outside. Have a conversation with one woman who isn't your producer.And for people who are in the dating pool right now: whether you’re on the apps or meeting someone in real life, if you see that a potential male partner has a podcast, RUN.