‘All I could think about was getting cocaine’: Mothers share their stories of addiction

It was 7am one day when the car Anna* was driving veered off the road and almost crashed into a tree. “I had taken a sleeping tablet, but forgotten,” she recalls. “I fell asleep at the wheel and literally almost killed myself.”Anna was on the way to buy cocaine at the time. At this point in her life, the mother-of-two was battling an intense addiction to the drug, but wasn’t ready to admit it.READ MORE“When I came to, all I was fixated on was still getting cocaine. That’s all I could think about. Nothing else mattered,” she says.As soon as she got out of the car, she called her drug dealer. “He picked me up, brought me back to my house... I took the drugs, went in, continued doing it.”Anna says she “got lucky” in that no one else was involved in the road incident. Her partner called a tow truck and the car was taken away.For some time, she had been a so-called “high-functioning addict” - holding down a job while looking after her children.The incident was Anna’s first time to hit “rock bottom”, she says. The episode prompted her partner to start contacting addiction support services. Anna then went into a residential treatment facility, but “wasn’t ready” and “only lasted a week”. Things then got worse, however.“It got so bad that the boys’ dad took the kids,” she says.This proved to be the “lowest point” in her life. “I was just frozen, numb. I couldn’t quite believe that my life had gotten here.”The thought of permanently losing access to her children terrified her. She started to engage with Chrysalis Community Drug Project in Dublin and entered another residential rehabilitation facility, this time completing a four-week programme.“I spent the first two weeks in treatment just crying, shameful, just absolutely hating myself for how much I felt I let my kids down.”‘I’m feeling upset because my children are not with me... I have to be strong, I’m trying my best’— Marianna*, who is focused on staying sober so her children can live with her againAnna says she had become reliant on alcohol during a physically abusive relationship that lasted from her teens into her early 20s. She left that man and stopped drinking. She then met a new partner, got married and had two sons. Life was good for a while, but then things started to unravel.“I was seven months pregnant with my youngest, and my mother passed away from cancer... and then my marriage fell apart.”Old habits started to creep back in. She was drinking again and, over time, she turned to cocaine. She was able to hide her addiction from most people for a long time - until that morning when she narrowly avoided driving into the tree. It was not an easy path, but Anna hopes to be three years sober in November. Her sons are living with her full-time again.Anna is one of a growing number of women seeking help for drug or alcohol addiction in recent years. Now in her early 40s, she is sharing her story because she would like mothers, in particular, to know they can recover from addiction. She also says she wants other people “not to judge” mothers who are struggling, noting that many of them are dealing with mental health issues or domestic violence.“Mental health is definitely involved in addiction. I feel nine times out of 10, it’s combined. [Addiction] could happen to anyone... there’s so much more to it than what you see on the surface.”Valerie* knows this all too well. For her, taking drugs was a way of “chasing false feelings” and “escaping what’s going on in the mind”.“I was in an active addiction from a very young age, abusing drink and drugs - cocaine, tablets, stuff like that,” she says. “I got caught up in the wrong crowd in the area, and I started selling drugs.”Valerie, a mother-of-one, was eventually “up on a big charge” and knew “I can’t live like this any more”.One by one, she eliminated the substances she was taking. The process was difficult, but Valerie says she persevered because “my child deserves a better version of me”. Now aged in her 30s, she attends regular counselling and, through Chrysalis, has completed courses on personal development and addiction studies. She describes her recovery as “like knocking a wall down, literally brick by brick; I was stopping one thing and then I was stopping another.“I am three years, four months now without any tablets or drink or cocaine or anything like that... I’m a new person.”Many mothers who experience addiction delay seeking help because they fear their children will be taken into care, according to those working in the services. Even if the woman in question is actively addicted, the responsibility of child-rearing most often falls on her shoulders.“When male drug users go into addiction, nothing is expected from them from some point on. Their social expectation stops, their family stops depending on them,” says Christina Petropoulou, a case manager at Chrysalis.Christina Petropoulou, a case manager at the Chrysalis Community Drug Project in Dublin. Photograph: Enda O'Dowd “It doesn’t happen with women. I think women are supposed to keep everything in place... We should be able to go to work. If you’re addicted, keep your addiction at bay. Keep your motherhood, keep the family together. Do everything. And it’s not the same for a man who faces addiction.”Amanda Smyth, senior case manager at Chrysalis, says society typically holds women to a higher standard. “It’s on our shoulders to take the brunt of everything like that, never mind a woman in active addiction... We’re supposed to be the strong one.”Smyth says many mothers are scared to tell their wider family they are addicts, fearing judgment. However, in many cases, relatives step in to look after children while the mother seeks help. Amanda Smyth, senior case manager at Chrysalis. Photograph: Enda O'Dowd Marianna*, a Polish woman who has been living in Ireland for more than a decade, is in treatment for alcohol addiction. Her two children are living with her sister while she gets her life back on track. Marianna, aged in her 30s, says she has not heard from the father of her children for more than a year. During their relationship, he was regularly violent. After a particularly bad incident last year, she left him. “He beat me too much, so I decided to never see him again,” she says. ‘There’s so many women that, when they meet each other, they realise, “Oh my god, you’ve been going through what I’ve been going through”.’— Anna* on finding a 'sisterhood'Marianna says she self-medicated with alcohol to numb the physical and emotional toll of the violence she endured. She is now focused on staying sober so her children, who she sees regularly, can live with her again.“I’m feeling upset because my children are not with me... I have to be strong, I’m trying my best.”She says that, for a long time, she was too scared to leave her former partner. She wants other women to leave problematic relationships sooner, if they can.“People can help you... it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”Many women stay with violent partners because they can’t see a way out, Smyth says. They might threaten women or their children, or a woman might not have access to her own money.For Anna*, each setback brought her one step closer to recovery. 'Help is absolutely there, you just have to look for it,' she says. Photograph: Bryan O’Brien/The Irish Times Mothers in active addiction often feel immense shame and guilt about their circumstances, Smyth adds.“I’m not saying men don’t carry that shame – of course they do – but for women, it digs deeper.”Instead of judging mothers who are struggling with addiction, people “need to educate themselves”, she says. In many cases, society has failed them.“You need to be able to take a step back and go, ‘What happened to her that led her to live this life?’”Petropoulou agrees, saying: “People do what they need to survive, and they most likely have survived things you cannot even imagine.”In 2025, more than 650 people sought help from Chrysalis. Cocaine – both crack and powder – was by far the main “problem substance” listed by service users. The second most common issue was use of benzodiazepines (medications with a sedative effect which are often prescribed for anxiety or insomnia), followed by alcohol.Many people seeking help are addicted to more than one substance. In recent years, crack cocaine has become a big issue.“It’s the new heroin epidemic,” says Smyth, who has worked in addiction and homeless services for several years.It is fairly common for people to relapse at some point in their recovery, Petropoulou says, but they can get back on track. A lot can be learned from every attempt to get sober – and from every detour. “There’s so much knowledge in relapse, and there’s so much knowledge in trying,” Petropoulou adds.For Anna, each setback brought her one step closer to recovery. “Help is absolutely there, you just have to look for it,” she says. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of at all.”Anna says she has found a “sisterhood” among other women who have experienced addiction issues. “There’s so many women that, when they meet each other, they realise, ‘Oh my God, you’ve been going through what I’ve been going through.’“Once you get that feeling of compassion and understanding, there’ll be no stopping you. Then you’ll be able to say, ‘Okay, I’m not a bad mother, I’ve not been well. I need help, and that’s okay.’”*Names have been changedChrysalisproject.ie