After decades of being mocked as a fat, granny-shagging lump, Wayne Rooney is reborn – and World Cup final proved it

FORGET Spain. The biggest winner of this summer’s enthralling World Cup was our very own Wayne Rooney. The People’s Champ, if you will. After decades of being mocked as a fat, granny-shagging lump, Wayne Rooney is reborn – and World Cup final proved it Credit: BBC Wayne wasn’t just a generational talent up front – he has also got something about him outside of the ­beautiful game Credit: AFP Because, over the past few weeks, we have witnessed Wazza emerge, butterfly-like, as a brilliant, witty and genuinely insightful TV pundit. A chap clearly popular with his colleagues and former England teammates, and one not afraid to say it as it is. The metamorphosis started with the star’s glow-up: a considerable shifting in weight, a spot of fake tan and/or ­foundation and some nicely tailored ­clobber — finished with Wayne’s emergence as quite the unexpected raconteur. Finally, after decades of being mocked as a fat, lazy, granny-shagging lump, Wayne is reborn. For eons the poor, misunderstood lad was presented as some sort of Neanderthal, ranking around fourth in ­the famous Ascent Of Man image. Not any longer. Now we can see exactly why wife Coleen has stuck with him through his various on- and off-pitch indiscretions. The notion that she’s some put-upon “trad wife” turning a blind eye to her lumbering hulk’s gormless antics is completely wrong. And Wayne, a personal ­apology for not seeing the shining lamp ­hidden in plain sight behind that lovely, semi-bearded bushel. Wayne, then, wasn’t just a ­generational talent up front. He has also got something about him outside of the ­beautiful game. Wayne is HILARIOUS. Who cares if a man can ­stumble around various drinking establishments with his trousers down by his knees when he’s THIS likeable? Take Sunday night’s performance. Asked by Gabby Logan what his favourite part of the half-time show was, he deadpanned: “When it finished”. He added, succinctly: “To be honest, I thought it was crap”, thus doing the job of any broadcaster worth its salt and aptly reflecting the views of the nation. When the BBC confirmed the former Man Utd striker was joining the Match Of The Day panel last year, eyebrows were raised. To be fair, Wayne got off to a slightly shaky start, endearingly nervous and playing things incredibly straight. He looked like a centre forward forced to play right-back. Now we can see exactly why wife Coleen has stuck with him through his various on and off-pitch indiscretions Credit: Instagram But, credit to the Beeb, they put their money where their mouth is and continued to back their big-money signing. They have been rewarded with some sterling man-of-the-match performances, and we have collectively seen Wayne grow in confidence week by week. Now he has his own eponymous spin-off show and podcast on Spotify: a platform that has allowed him to grow as a presenter and have some fun with his guests. He makes his fellow former sportsmen (and women) relax, allows them to speak, and has an ease on camera which, ­perhaps, he previously didn’t possess. He also frequently appears on Gary Neville’s YouTube channel The Overlap and show, Stick To Football, alongside pundits including Ian Wright and Roy Keane, regaling listeners with secrets from his playing days. One recent appearance saw him reveal certain England team members could only get to sleep if the squad masseuse was in the room, massaging their feet. There are now whole TikTok accounts ­dedicated to this brilliant Scouser’s best bits. In a celebrity world that is so media- trained, so guarded and so patently dull, Wayne’s good-natured indiscretion is a breath of fresh air. Frankly, if our new PM doesn’t cut the mustard: let’s get in this unelected man of the people. AND finally. If you think you’re ­having a bad day, last Friday I held the door open for a nice man, and when he thanked me I couldn’t decide whether to reply with a “no problem” or a “you’re welcome”. Instead, I looked the befuddled man square in the eye, and said: “You’re the problem.” I am still thinking about it. HUW DON'T GET IT DELIGHTED to have been dubbed a “witless columnist” by Huw Edwards last week. The shamed broadcaster hit out at writers, like me, who have knocked him in pages like this over his association with a convicted paedophile, and for being charged with making three indecent images of children. The Welshman wrote another tone-deaf Substack about his treatment following his arrest and subsequent court case, sanctimoniously quoting Plato – “No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth” – in the process. After slagging off the Press, of course, he writes: “What interests me is why people can develop and express hate for people they have never met, know little about, and have no awareness of the circumstances of their lives.” I, and I’m sure others, do not “hate” Huw. We hate what he has done. And how he has blamed his depraved actions on mental health – a genuine illness which affects millions of decent, kind, gentle people who do not resort to abhorrent images for kicks on the dark web. And yes, it is the children I feel sorry for: not Huw. Lion gets a giraffe namesake Staff at Port Lympne Reserve in Kent have christened this baby giraffe ‘Jude’ after the England hero Credit: Oliver Dixon IT doesn’t get much bigger than this, quite literally, for superstar Jude Bellingham. Staff at Port Lympne Reserve in Kent have christened this v. cute baby giraffe “Jude” after the England hero. The calf made his debut over the weekend, watched on proudly by his parents (names unknown). Born on July 11, Jude the Giraffe is already 6ft – just an inch shorter than his namesake. EDGE OF GLORY DONALD TRUMP just can’t help himself, can he? The President, never shy of a PR opp, stood within spitting distance of the triumphant ­Spanish team as they went on stage to collect the ­World Cup trophy. He was roundly ignored by the entire squad. Which is something. KEIR SO MOVING AT LAST Keir paid tribute to his family – who were watching on – and showed a side to him less robotic than the public had seen previously Credit: Alamy AT long last, some touching humanity across the despatch box. The departing Keir Starmer’s last exchange with Kemi Badenoch at PMQs last week was genuinely moving and showed the best of both leaders. In a rare display of cross-party respect, the Opposition leader praised her rival’s role in supporting Ukraine after President Zelensky’s fiery White House meeting, and he thanked her for her various private kindnesses. Keir also paid tribute to his own family – who were watching on – and showed a side to him less robotic than the public had seen previously. If only we’d seen Human Keir more often, things could have been so very different. Robbie Williams has cleared up what ‘fell from his nose’ Credit: X/AwayDaysFB POOR old Robbie Williams, a lovely chap more than 20 years sober. Up he then pops, live on German television following a great World Cup half-time performance to bask in his own glory, only for a small white blob of ­something to come cascading out of his nostril and land, plop, on to his mic. “Uh-oh, Robbie’s relapsed”, and “look at that coke flying from his nose!” was the gist of the comments quickly doing the rounds. The clip went viral, and I was tasked with getting to the bottom of it. Gingerly, I placed a WhatsApp to the man himself. Within seconds, mystery solved. The white stuff from his nose? Actually Nicorette gum, from his mouth. Or, in Robbie’s own honeyed words: “It’s Nicorette, you friggin’ bell-ends”. IF Jesus could turn water into wine, here’s hoping the so-called Manchester Messiah will conjure up a surprisingly pleasant trick or two over the coming months. While my hopes aren’t high, I really do wish Andy Burnham well – and I will go into this new unelected tenure with an open mind. That being said, let’s not forget this is a man who, in 2022, argued that Rishi Sunak should call a general election following Boris Johnson’s exit left, because the new PM had no political mandate. So will he now put his money where his mouth is, and give the people what they want? Somehow I doubt it.