Actor Kaia Gerber shares 11 books on grief helping her heal after brother’s passing

Author Joan Didion wrote a spot-on definition of grief in her book The Year of Magical Thinking: “Grief, when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be. Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life.” It’s a description of grief that has resonated with actor Kaia Gerber, who recently shared the Didion quote with her followers on Instagram following the unexpected death of her brother, model Presley Gerber on Sept. 21. “i love you the bluest, to the moon and back and back again, forever big brother,” Kaia wrote in an Instagram post honoring her brother on Oct. 18. Kaia, the daughter of supermodel Cindy Crawford and entrepreneur Rande Gerber, additionally shared a photo of 11 books on grief she is currently reading to help her process the loss to help others struggling with the grieving process. The following books may also help you on your grief journey. Here is a brief description of each book on grief: The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion Didion wrote this book in October 2005, and it documents the grief journey she went through following the sudden death of her husband of 40 years, John Gregory Dunne. Gerber shared Didion’s words on grief in her Instagram post. And this is another impactful quote on grief from the book: “Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy, cool customers who believe their husband is about to return and need his shoes.” What The Living Do, by Marie Howe This is a book of poetry by poet Marie Howe, who wrote about the death of her brother John from AIDS-related complications in 1989. “When he died, it was a terrible loss to all of us,” Howe told NPR’s Fresh Air. “As you know, as everybody knows, you think, ‘My life is changed so utterly I don’t know how to live it anymore.’ And then you find a way.” Things in Nature Merely Grow, by Yiyun Li This non-fiction memoir by author Yiyun Li documents the loss of both of her sons to suicide (Vincent, age 16, in 2017; and James, age 19, in 2024). Although she does not specifically address grief or the grieving process, she refers to it as the “abyss”—a place she told NPR “is where she expects to be for the remainder of her life.” I Remember, by Joe Brainard This experimental memoir written by Joe Brainard was published in 1970. Throughout, he repeats the phrase “I remember”, recalling to different memories from his life in short snippets, covering topics on mortality and living. From Here to the Great Unknown, by Lisa Marie Presley and Riley Keough Actress Lisa Marie Presley and her daughter Riley Keough teamed up to write this memoir about Presley’s life—which includes the deaths of both her father, Elvis Presley, and her son, Benjamin Keough. Letters To A Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke Published in 1929, this collection of letters between student Franz Xaver Kappus and acclaimed poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Described by Penguin Random House as “eloquent and personal, Rilke’s meditations on the creative process, the nature of love, the wisdom of children, and the importance of solitude offer a wealth of spiritual and practical guidance for anyone.” Collected Poems, by Jack Gilbert This book of poetry by Jack Gilbert covers 50 years of his works. While many themes occur throughout, grief and loss are addressed in his poem Alone, about the loss of his wife, Michiko Nogami. Grief Is For People, by Sloane Crosely This memoir by Sloane Crosely on the death of her friend, former boss and mentor Russell Perreault. She writes, per NPR: “To mourn the death of a friend is to feel as if you’re walking around with a vase, knowing you have to set it down, but nowhere is obvious. Others will assure you that there’s no right way to do this. Put it anywhere. But you know better. You know that if you put your grief in a place that’s too prominent or too hidden, you will take it back when no one’s looking. This is why I spend my nights looking into the restaurant. I fantasize about keeping Russell in front of me for a little longer. Each time the restaurant closes, each time he drops me off at my door, each time he walks off into the dark, and then he’s gone, and I am still holding this vase.” Crying in H Mart, by Michelle Zauner Michelle Zauner is the lead singer of indie pop band Japanese Breakfast. In it, she navigates the loss of her mother to cancer after caring for her. “After writing this book, I think I realized that so much of that, I think, came from subconsciously trying to undo some sense of failure that I had about being a caretaker for my mother,” Zauner said in an interview with Cal Poly Pomona. “Clearly, I had this real desire to care for her in this very maternal way. Like a cyclical maternal way, where I was going to be able to prepare dishes for her and what I wasn’t able to, and so I think learning how to cook Korean food was kind of a way of undoing that sense of failure.” Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler Grief expert and author David Kessler expands on author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s book On Death and Dying, which presented the original concept of the “five stages of grief”: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The sixth stage is finding meaning, and Kessler writes: ““Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.” Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation edited by Roger Housden This collection of poems from famous contemporary and historic poets, including Goethe, Wordsworth, and Emily Dickinson. It focuses on the theme of “risking everything” to fully live life. Penguin Random House notes “these poems urge us to wake up and love. They also call on us to relinquish our grip on ideas and opinions that confine us and, instead, to risk moving forward into the life that is truly ours.”