‘A Dog’s Perfect Christmas’ Review: The Dog Lives This Time! We Repeat, the Dog Lives!

There are two kinds of dog movies: Movies where the dog lives, and movies where the dog dies. A lot of people don’t like the second kind, so they may have mixed feelings about “A Dog’s Purpose” and “A Dog’s Journey,” two films where the dog lives a lot, dies a lot, then lives and dies again, over and over. They’re tales of reincarnation, and that takes a bit of the edge off, but the dogs still have to die, damn it, and nobody likes dead dogs. Except certain disgraced politicians from South Dakota.The new Netflix Original “A Dog’s Perfect Christmas” continues the “Dog’s [Blank]” saga, except this time nobody gets resurrected. I guess they’re saving that for the inevitable follow-up, presumably called “A Dog’s Bitchin’ Easter.” But don’t worry, this time the dog lives. There’s another dog, and that dog lives too. Granted, a Grandma dies, a Grandpa almost kills himself, and a Mom gets sepsis and falls into a life-threatening coma, but all of that is okay because, again, the dogs are fine. And also it’s Christmas. “A Dog’s Perfect Christmas” is about an upper, upper middle class family with boring problems. Hunter (Milo Ventimiglia) works too hard and his wife Juliana (Rebecca Staab) despises her annoying children so much she’s on the verge of ending their marriage. Their teenage daughter Ello (Brooke Lena Johnson) is mortified because she just won a scholarship and will be the center of attention for 10 seconds at the local Christmas parade, which is mortifying because… because reasons, I guess. I don’t know. The movie doesn’t offer a good explanation and all I can do is report my findings. It sounds depressing, and it probably should be, but director Cathryn Michon — who co-wrote the other “Dog’s Something-Something” movies and, incidentally, is married to the book’s author W. Bruce Cameron — keeps the mood strangely elevated. Even when Grandpa Sander (Dennis Quaid), mourning the death of his wife, looks like he’s literally about to kill himself, Michon plays it off as kind of sweet. His dog Winstead doesn’t know what’s happening and insists on going walkies, derailing Grandpa’s melancholic plans. The plot kicks in when Mom gets a serious infection, which turns into sepsis and puts her into a coma. Fortunately, her life-and-death struggle was exactly what the rest of her family needed to get their lives in order. Dad learns to prioritize his wife’s well-being. Ello takes responsibility around the house, babysits her very young twin brothers, bonds with her grandfather, and starts dating The Local Studmuffin™ (Ethan Loomis). Speaking of love, Grandpa starts dating multiple women simultaneously, including the horny Lucille (Jennifer Tilly) and the approachable, and therefore apparently better, Claire (Mary Steenburgen). All of this is narrated by Winstead, who’s voiced by Thomas Haden Church. Winstead doesn’t understand what’s going on. He gets the gist of everyone’s feelings but he’s hazy on the details of human behavior, since all he has is A Dog’s Perspective. The film doesn’t mine his cognitive dissonance for comedy — at least, not the funny kind — and Winstead’s inner thoughts are never profound. Church doesn’t add any nuance to his voice-over, and ultimately Winstead has almost no impact on the plot. Even the new puppy, Ruby, who we’re explicitly told will save this family from ruin, does nothing but look cute. The dog parts amount to nothing, the human parts are a weird tonal mishmash, and if your idea of the perfect Christmas involves your mom suffering from organ failure, your definition of “perfect” is different than mine. I guess that’s why it’s only the dog’s perfect Christmas, not the humans, since the dog gets a lot of extra attention and at some point a turkey gets knocked onto the floor. But in the end everything turns out more or less okay for everyone. It’s a happy movie with a bummer setup, and parts of it are genuinely sweet. Dennis Quaid, who played a different character in the other “Dog’s Wordle” movies (I guess humans get reincarnated too), is unexpectedly engaged with this material. He’s an incredibly likable actor when he’s invested, and we haven’t seen him genuinely invested in a while. He’s funny, he’s romantic. He’s convincing as a guy who let his sadness devolve into selfishness, and who’s finally stepping up, helping his family, and living his life. Thank God mom got sepsis, apparently. Kathleen Rose Perkins struggles with her underdeveloped character, but she’s a natural on-screen performer. She looks at home with her family, and when she makes moon-eyes at The Local Studmuffin™, you believe that she’s falling for him. Pour one out for Ethan Loomis, who’s stuck playing a guy with zero flaws. Loomis can only make an impression when he’s ice skating with Ello. Surprise, surprise, both actors can skate, and they skate beautifully. In the film’s best scene, Cathryn Michon lets them ice dance together in one long, uninterrupted take, showing off the actors’ skills and their romantic chemistry, which often gets lost in their clunky dialogue. “A Dog’s Perfect Christmas” is, in many ways, just another Netflix Christmas movie. It’s got a harsh first act but it soon settles into a cozy comfort watch, with a glossy presentation and an overqualified cast. It’s not a great dog movie because the dog parts are a cinematic side hustle, not the main attraction. It’s not a great human movie because it’s too shiny to feel human. It’s a lot of things, yet it amounts to very little. And when you can’t even figure out what a Netflix Original Movie is going for, that means you’re probably watching “content.” “A Dog’s Perfect Christmas” is a seat-filler of a film. It takes up space in your life until something better comes along, and since you’re watching it on Netflix, something better is probably sitting right next to it on your homepage. (Did you hear the good news? They have “Police Squad!” now! Yay!) “A Dog’s Perfect Christmas” is now playing on Netflix.