75 Holiday Jokes That Are So Funny, You'll Want to Share Them With Everyone

The holiday season is knocking at our doors and nipping at our noses, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Boxing Day, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and New Year's finally in sight. Thanksgiving, the first to mark our calendars and fill our stomachs, occurs on the fourth Thursday of November in America every year, a tradition set by former President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The first Thanksgiving took place in Plymouth County, Massachusetts, in 1621; a feast celebrating fruitful harvests and peace (unfortunately only temporarily) between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag tribe. Next is Hanukkah, celebrated by Jewish people around the world. It begins on the 25th day of Kislev on the Hebrew calendar and continues for eight days. While the dates change each year, in 2026, Hanukkah will take place from December 4 to December 12.Christmas arrives on its heels, celebrated on December 25 each year. For Christians, this date signifies the birth of Jesus Christ. For others, it’s a time for giving, family gatherings, and holiday nostalgia. The day after Christmas is Boxing Day, observed in Great Britain and Commonwealth countries. It centers around sports, family time, relaxation, and discount retail shopping sprees similar to America’s Black Friday. After Christmas comes Kwanzaa, a celebration of African American heritage and culture held from December 26 to January 1.Finally, New Year's rings in the end of one calendar year and the start of the next (cue “Auld Lang Syne”). Many consider it a fresh start, a new chapter, and a chance to set goals and intentions for the months ahead.It’s almost time to carve the turkey, hang the stockings on the chimney with care, deck the halls, shop ‘til we drop, wrap the presents, rock around the Christmas tree, and celebrate culture and tradition. Here are 75 jokes covering three of these holidays, guaranteed to bring an extra hilarious helping of laughter to all your parties and gatherings!Thanksgiving Jokes1. Why did the turkey join a band?Because it had the drumsticks!2. What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?Lucky.3. Why did the cranberries turn red?Because they saw the turkey dressing!4. What did the turkey say to the computer?"Google, how do I get out of Thanksgiving dinner?"5. Why did the turkey get a standing ovation?It was an outstanding bird!6. What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?The turkey trot!7. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?It had 24 carrots!8. What did the sweet potato say when it won the pie contest?"That was a sweet victory!"9. Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield?Because the corn has ears!10. What do you call a running turkey?Fast food!11. Why did the turkey go to the doctor?It had a case of the gobble-gobbles!12. What's a turkey's favorite dessert?Peach gobbler!13. Why did the chef put a bell on the turkey?He wanted to make sure dinner was a-pealing!14. What did one plate say to the other plate on Thanksgiving?"Dinner is on me!"15. Why did the pumpkin pie go to the dentist?It needed a filling!16. What's the turkey's favorite type of weather?Fowl weather!17. Why did the mashed potatoes get promoted?They were always on top of things!18. What do you call a turkey that tells jokes?A comedi-hen!19. Why did the turkey sit on the pumpkin?It wanted to squash its competition!20. What's a pilgrim's favorite kind of music?Plymouth Rock!21. Why did the gravy get invited to every Thanksgiving dinner?It knew how to go with the flow!22. What did the turkey say when it was complimented?"Aw, shucks! You're making me blush!"23. Why was the Thanksgiving dinner so good at math?It knew how to count its blessings!24. What's the difference between a turkey and a turkey hunter?One wakes up early on Thanksgiving!25. Why did the pie get in trouble at school?It was caught cutting corners!Christmas Jokes26. What do you call an elf who sings?A wrapper!27. Why does Santa go down the chimney?Because it soots him!28. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite!29. Why was the Christmas tree so bad at sewing?It kept dropping its needles!30. What do you call a reindeer with bad manners?Rude-olph!31. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?Because he had low elf-esteem!32. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?Frosted Flakes!33. What do you call a snowman in the summer?A puddle!34. Why did the ornament get kicked off the Christmas tree?It was acting a little shady!35. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?Santa Pause!36. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?They always drop their needles!37. What do you call an elf who runs away from the workshop?A rebel without a Claus!38. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?He was feeling crumby!39. What's Santa's favorite kind of music?Wrap music!40. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?Because Frost bites!41. What do you call a broke Santa?Saint Nickel-less!42. Why did the Christmas lights go to school?They wanted to get a little brighter!43. What does Santa use to take notes?A candy cane!44. Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses?Because he was a bright star!45. What's a snowman's favorite drink?Ice tea!46. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?A pineapple!47. Why did Santa's sleigh get pulled over?It was going too fast down the chimney!48. What do you call a cat on Christmas?Santa Claws!49. Why did the elf put his bed in the fireplace?He wanted to sleep like a log!50. What is Santa's favorite snack?Crisp Pringles!New Year's Jokes1. What does a ghost say on New Year's Eve?"Happy Boo Year!"2. Why did the man put his money in the blender on January 1?He wanted to make liquid assets!3. What is a New Year's resolution's favorite type of music?New year-oldies!4. Why did the calendar get arrested on New Year's Eve?It was caught celebrating too many dates!5. What did the champagne bottle say when it finally got opened?"Well, that was bottled-up excitement!"6. Why did the New Year's Eve party hire a gardener?It wanted someone to help turn over a new leaf!7. What do you call a snowman who celebrates New Year's Eve?A party frost!8. Why did the number six refuse to go to the New Year's party?It didn't want to be caught in a countdown!9. What did the clock say to the calendar at midnight?"Time flies when you're having fun!"10. Why did the New Year's fireworks get sent to the principal's office?They kept setting off alarms!11. What do you call a New Year's resolution made by a baker?A fresh start!12. Why did the man bring a pencil to the New Year's Eve party?He wanted to draw the night to a close!13. What did the January calendar say to the February calendar?"Your days are numbered!"14. Why did the New Year's party invite a mathematician?It needed someone who could handle the countdown!15. What do you call a New Year's celebration at a shoe store?A big step forward!16. Why did the clock go to therapy?It had too many second thoughts!17. What did one firework say to the other at midnight?"You're a blast to be around!"18. Why did the New Year's Eve party have a great DJ?He really knew how to ring in the changes!19. What do you call a calendar that tells jokes?A laugh-a-day!20. Why did the man bring a suitcase to January 1?He was ready to leave the old year behind!21. What did the New Year's resolution say to the gym membership?"Let's see how long this lasts!"22. Why did the clock get a promotion in the New Year?It was always ahead of its time!23. What do you call a New Year's party for cats?A mew year celebration!24. Why did the champagne refuse to argue with the soda?It didn't want to make a fizz-ical confrontation!25. What did the old year say when it finally left?"I've had a good run!"Read More: