6 countries do small talk in wildly different ways. Here’s what Americans can learn from them.

Small talk in America serves a vital purpose: It breaks the ice with people we don’t know well, quickly establishes common ground, and paves the way for more meaningful conversation. Yet many Americans struggle deeply with small talk. We want to come across friendly and likable, but struggle with what to say and what to do when we’ve exhausted the usual topics: weather, work, sports, etc. Taking a cue from how countries around the globe approach small talk differently might give us some insight. Here’s how 6 cultures handle casual conversation with strangers. 1. Korea Grace Jin Kim, a popular content creator and Korean language educator, says small talk or casual conversation between strangers is drastically different in Korean culture. Where Americans will discuss safe, relatable topics like the weather or weekend plans and try to find common ground quickly, she says initial conversations in Korean are a bit of a vetting process. “In Korea, the beginning feels a little different… People tend to ask things that help define the relationship first,” she says. Common early questions might include asking about the person’s age or whether they study or work. That’s because Korean is a language that relies on honorifics and social hierarchy. How you speak depends heavily on who you’re speaking to. “Don’t expect to get too comfortable too quickly,” she says, before you figure out what level of respect you need to show for your conversation partner and what kind of relationship you might form going forward. The American takeaway: Turning on the charm can feel difficult because American small talk topics are often boring to start. While the Korean way may feel overly structured and formal to Americans who aren’t used to it, it actually paves the way for far more useful and meaningful conversation quicker by sussing out the basics first. 2. Ireland If small talk in Korea is structured and formal, it’s much the opposite in Ireland. The Irish often treat conversation like an art form, even with people they don’t know well. Chit chat is slow, not rushed. Long stories are welcomed. Getting personal is expected. A good conversation meanders and hops all over the place with no end goal or destination in mind. In fact, they have their own word for this: Craic, or the craic. It’s a word derived from Middle english which means to brag or boast, or more broadly, make a loud noise. Today it’s become slang in Ireland for “news, gossip, fun, entertainment, and enjoyable conversation,” according to Irish Central. The Irish can also be a playful bunch. Being gently teased or mocked is a sign of acceptance, so don’t get your feathers in a bunch when they give you a rough time. The American takeaway: Make like the Irish and take the pressure off. Drop the need to make a good impression, advance the relationship, or arrive anywhere in particular in conversation. If weather and sports bore you to tears, maybe it’s more your style to be playful, get personal, and take the time to break out your best stories; even with someone you barely know. 3. Finland & Sweden Sweden has a reputation as a bit of a utopia, so people are sometimes surprised that its residents engage in very little conversation between strangers at all. The BBC reports that “in Sweden, people tend to avoid casual conversations.” Sweden’s neighbor, Finland, is much the same. “Finns think if there’s no important topic to discuss, there’s no conversation at all. In fact, one of their national sayings is ‘Silence is gold, talking is silver,’” Laura Studarus writes for BBC. However, it doesn’t mean that everyone in these countries is icy or unfriendly. On the contrary. They’re just more comfortable with silence, and in fact, it’s a sign of respect. After all, these are countries where getting nude in a sauna with strangers is practically a national pastime. They just don’t feel the need to fill every silence with empty words. So how do Finns and Swedes make friends? Easy. They’re extremely active cultures, with many adults participating in hobbies and clubs where they can get to know people on a deeper, shared interest level outside of developing rapport chatting about the weather. Most of the Nordic countries are like this including Denmark and Norway, as well. The American takeaway: You don’t have to chat up the waiter, the barista, or the person sitting next to you on the bus. Instead of straining and struggling to be likable and charming, make like the Swedes and get comfortable with respectful silence: it oozes confidence and lets you save your social battery for the people you really want to connect with. 4. Germany Similar to the Finns and Swedes, Germans have a tendency to be straightforward and direct in their communication style. It shows in how they approach conversation with strangers. “While Germans do engage in small talk, it’s usually less superficial and less frequent than, say, in the US or UK. In fact, many Germans consider excessive chit-chat a bit of a waste of time if it doesn’t serve a real purpose,” writes Olesen Tuition, a German language school in London. “Don’t be surprised if a German acquaintance skips the pleasantries and gets straight to business – it’s often about efficiency and directness, not rudeness.” There’s a literalness to how Germans speak to one another. In America, asking “how are you?” is a pleasantry that usually gets a canned response. If you ask someone in Germany, they’re far more likely to tell you the honest truth. The American takeaway: Being direct and not faking enthusiasm isn’t rude, it’s a sign of respect. American small talk can be entertaining and fun, but it can also be straining and performative. You don’t have to make your waiter like you by being charming and personable, and neither does he. There’s something freeing about that approach. 5. Japan In Japan, like America, people making small talk want to come across as likable. But instead of being charming, fascinating, or showing off their humor, the Japanese often focus on being polite and showing respect. Active listening is huge in Japanese small talk. Allowing the other person space to talk while interjecting with agreeable phrases, or even just noises, is an extremely common move. Small talk in Japan will often stick to safe topics like the weather, food, and hobbies. The American takeaway: You can become excellent at small talk by mastering the art of active listening. Often, the most engaging people aren’t the most charismatic and boisterous. They are the ones who make us feel heard and important. Taking a cue from Japanese small talk, you don’t have to constantly come up with new clever things to say: Simply repeating back bits of what your conversation partner is saying is an excellent way to keep a conversation flowing. 6. Middle Eastern nations The United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, and many places in the Arabic speaking world take their casual conversation very seriously. It’s an important ritual that establishes trust and human connection before transactions like business or sharing information occur. But they do it a little differently than Americans. Instead of starting with the weather or weekend plans, family takes center stage. People in Arabic countries often take a great deal of time inquiring about the wellness of each other’s families and offering good wishes and blessings before getting into the heart of the matter. Rush is something to be avoided. Kristina Roppelt, an expert in intercultural communication says that politics, religion, and sex are considered extremely taboo subjects to discuss with people you don’t know well. The American takeaway: Asking about someone’s family without laying a foundation might seem odd in some American settings, but it could actually be a great way to establish trust and warmth. If you’re not comfortable with superfluous small talk, skip right to the heart of the matter: not in a transactional, informational way, but in a way that really lets you get to know the person you’re talking to. American culture is its own beast, and not all of the methods that work well in other countries are transferrable to our interactions here. But it’s fascinating to learn how other cultures handle the delicate and tricky art of small talk. And for those of us who struggle with the American way, there might be things we can learn from how other countries do—and sometimes don’t—engage in idle chit chat.